The Yaoi and the Yuri
by shanejayell
Summary: Light discovers FANFICTION. Be afraid...


Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from Death Note, I'm only borrowing them for awhile. Don't sue me, you won't get anything useful out of it.

Death Note: The Yaoi And Yuri

Light Yagami smiled as he left school, the handsome blond haired man cutting through the crowds of students with deceptive ease. On the surface he looked just like all the rest of the rabble, but he held a dark secret from them.

Some months ago Light had found the Death Note, a magical note book belonging to the shinigami Ryuk. Using it's power to bring death to anyone he knew the name of Light had set out to change the world, killing criminals and others who were unworthy to live in this world. He felt a deep satisfaction at helping humanity like this, not to mention a certain degree of pride.

"I'm home!" Light called as he went into his home.

"Welcome back,:" his mother called from the kitchen, "dinner's on, so don't stay on the internet too long."

"Right," Light answered as he headed up to his room.

Sitting on the bed casually eating an apple was Ryuk, the shinigami himself. Ryuk looked sort of humanoid, a bit like a cross between a raven and a scarecrow, with eyes that glowed a piercing red. Despite his fearsome exterior Light had found the shinigami quite friendly, but he firmly reminded himself that Ryuk was not human, and that his values were far different than Light's.

'When it's my time, I suspect he'll take me just as cheerfully as he does anyone else,' Light mused.

"Welcome home," Ryuk gave him that toothy smile that made his fangs show, gleaming in the light of the desk lamp.

"Ryuk," Light nodded, sitting down at his desk. He was tempted to open the secret compartment in his desk and remove the Death Note, but quelled the temptation. Over the past several days he had set up several deaths using the Note's ability to describe the exact time and circumstances of death, and it would be best to let them all play out.

Turning on the computer Light opened up his favorite sites, browsing the journals of criminology. He looked for cases where he could use the Death Note, criminals who had escaped justice or whom had gamed the system to freedom. Reading crime statistics he felt a surge of pride at seeing crime had dropped since he had begun using the Death Note, though he tried not to let it go to his head too much.

Rather guiltily Light then checked on the Kira websites. Not long after he had started his campaign against evil, websites had cropped up in tribute to the mysterious 'Kira' as they liked to call him. No one knew who he was, of course, but people seemed to sense there was a mind behind the killings and looked at him in no little awe.

Exploring one of the popular sites Light blinked as he noticed a new link at the bottom of the page. 'Fanfiction?' he blinked, clicking on the link.

On a new page row upon row of links appeared, along with various letters beside them. He frowned as he saw notes like mm, mf, ff and others beside the links, as well as abreviations such as non-con, fluff, waff and so on. He couldn't find a explaination for them, so he decided to click on one of the links to see what it was all about.

_ The police officer panted as he ran, gun clutched in a sweaty hand. He turned, red hair flowing as he cried, "Stay back!"_

_ Kira emerged from the shadows, his long black cape and faceless mask striking fear in the hearts of everyone... _

"I think someone's been watching Code Geass too often," Kira muttered aloud.

_...and wearing nothing underneath it._

"What the...?" Light yelped.

_Kira advanced on the helpless officer, his throbbing member leading the way. "You have chased me for so long," Kira growled as he backed the man into a corner, "now you have been caught!"_

_ "No, please!" the remarkably pretty young man cried weakly._

_ Laughing cruelly Kira tore away the man's uniform jacket and shirt, revealing his bare chest' Leaning forward Kira teased those hard nipples as he purred, "Are you excited, little man?"_

_ "It's just the cold," the quaking officer insisted._

_ Reaching down between the boy's legs he felt a growing hardness and Kira laughed, "Is this cold too?"_

"Wow," Ryuk noted mildly as he read over Light's shoulder, "I never knew you were into this kind of thing." 

"I am NOT!" Light yelped, hitting the back button. He was blushing furiously, embarassed by what he had just read.

"So why didn't you hit the back button immediately?" Ryuk asked, leering.

"I was too shocked to move," Light said flatly.

Ryuk laid back down on the bed as he said, "You just keep telling yourself that."

Light turned back to the computer, frowning as he contemplated the list of stories again. 'I guess non-con means non-consenting,' he mused, and guessed mm means yaoi. Deciding to click on another link, Light read on.

_The great ship rocked on the seas as Captain Kira held on to the railing, his hair bvlown by the __wind. His striking blue eyes were narrowed as the ship came into sight, then he called out to his band of pirates, "Man the guns! There be booty here!"_

_ "Aye captain!" his first officer cried._

_ Guns blasted and the scent of burning gunpowder filled the air as the Revenge blasted it's cannonballs into the side of the treasure ship. Once it's masts broke pirates swung over on grappling hooks, waving their swords!_

'Well, at least they're not naked,' Light noted, then skimmed ahead.

_ The pirate captain smiled as he advanced on the Captain's boy, his lips twisted in a leer. "It's been a long time since I've seen a woman," Kira growled, "so you'll do..."_

With a sigh Light promptly hit the back button. Out of curiosity hit hit one of the links marked ff, and frowned as he began to read.

_Kira's long black hair flowed as she walked the streets, her eyes sad as she gazed out into the darkness. The time was coming again to kill, to drain the life from another nubile victim..._

'Nubile victim?' Light raised his eyebrows, 'Who TALKS like that?'

_The girl watched with wide eyes as the woman stalked towards her, hips swaying sexily. She felt sheer terror, yet somehow excitement pulsed through her loins. The beautiful Kira kissed the girl, tongue fluttering in her mouth as the child moaned helplessly._

"Now that is hot," Ryuk noted, peeping over Light's shoulder.

"Do you mind, I'm trying to read," Light sniffed.

Ryuk snickered softly as he noted, "Wait until they get to the bit with the strap on."

'Strap on?' Light blinked, reading ahead.

_ Kira mewled in pleasure, sprawled on the ground as the girl mounted her. She had no idea how she had been so easily defeated, but it felt so good she couldn't resist! "You're the goddess of death, aren't you?" the girl purred as she pumped her with a strap on._

_ "Yes! Yes!" Kira yelled_

_ "Wanna help me fight the forces of evil?"_

_ "Oh, why not?" Kira smiled blissfully._

"Agh," Light winced as he hit the back button again. The very IDEA that 'Kira' could be a woman was bad enough, but to be SEXED into helping kill evil? Ugh. He skimmed through the listings, reading titles with a kind of appalled horror. There were more pirate stories, several ninja ones, a load of vampires...

"Remind me to put Stephenie Meyer on my Death Note list," Light muttered aloud.

"Why?" Ryuk wondered, munching an apple.

"She wrote Twilight," Light explained.

"Reason enough," Ryuk conceded, "you wanna add Anne Rice and Laurel Hamilton too?"

"How do you know them?" Light had to ask, curious.

"What, do you think I just lay around all day? I have to keep busy somehow," Ryuk shrugged.

Light shook his head, wondering what the shinigami thought of al the sex and violence in the books, then decided he didn't want to know. He skimmed several more stories, yet again mildly appalled at the amount of sex and violence that filled them.

"What sort of person writes this stuff?" Light asked, shaking his head.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

In another part of the city, L smirked as he finished writing his latest masterpiece. Writing fanfiction on his personal adversary might be looked on as strange by some, but he found it surprisingly relaxing. Checking the site he noted that both Mello and Near had also posted stories recently, and planned to review them.

'I don't know for certain if Light-kun is Kira yet,' L mused as he typed, 'but I hope he reads this.' Smirking he sat back as he reread the final bits...

_ "Kira, you don't have to continue this," the scruffy detective said as he offered his hand, "join me."_

_ "Oh, Luke," Kira sighed, the brown haired man looking up at him adoringly, "do you really think I can be saved?"_

_ Luke pulled Kira close, hugging him. "Yes, Kira-kun," he breathed into his ear, "everyone can be saved."_

_ The first kiss was tentative, then grew wilder as they pulled each other close..._

'Yes, Kira, I will find you," L vowed as he sat back, putting fantasy aside as he considered what he might have to do. 'I will find you and bring you to justice.'

End

Notes: VERY silly fic, inspired by bits in Death Notes. Early on Light shows off a website to Ryuk, which was put up in tribute to Kira. Since he has fans online, who's to say that fanfiction couldn't eventually crop up?

I consider Stephenie Meyer a absolutely HORRID writer, sorry Twilight fans. Anne Rice WAS good in the first three vampire books, I suggest skipping the others. Similarly Laurel Hamilton was pretty good until her books became totally sex obsessed self-inserts. Or something. However despite their books being crap I do NOT advocate killing them. Just don't buy the books. ^_^

Inspired by ffnet author Breaktherules, who got me thinking about this with her yaoi fics.


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